12 Signs You’ve Traveled Backwards in Time

By popular request from 10 Ways to Time Travel in Romance I present to you 12 Signs You’ve Traveled Backwards in Time.

  1. It sounds like English but you’ve no idea what is being said. This is called old English. It even looks funny written out.
  2. The buildings look really funny and quaint. It’s like you’re back in some medieval village themepark.
  3. Everywhere you look you see and smell horses. Phew. Stinky. (They didn’t have pick up your horse manure laws back then like they do now with dog poop.)
  4. People stare at your clothes, makeup, shoes, and funny hairstyle. You whore! Oh wait — there’s the really enlightened hero to the rescue. Stick you’re tongue out at all those small minded folks and go “Nah nah nah” that will really wind them up!
  5. Men and women alike are appalled by your ill manners and forwardness. Shoot, have they never heard of the 21st century? Oh wait that’s right, they haven’t!
  6. Instead of flipping on a switch for light, you’re required to light a candle. Better have matches on your person… well that or a highly badged ex-girl scout hiding under the bed.
  7. Got boots? You’re going to need them to get around because roads are unpaved and mucky nine times out of ten, unless they’re cobbled and then your boots will insulate your feet from the hard stones.
  8. The bathroom is a pot. Where’s the toilet? When does that get invented again? You might have to wait a long while. (Conveniently forgets to mention that toilet paper isn’t around either, whistles innocently and walks away.)
  9. Your teeth look nicer than anybody else’s. If you were back in your own time you know a good dentist you could recommend to get their teeth fixed. In the meantime, they all stare at your shiny choppers.
  10. You haven’t been able to find anything proper to brush your teeth with and your breath is starting to get funky. Unfortunately for you the evil villain with even worst breath than your beloved dog Charlie’s halitosis thinks your breath is like a fresh rose compared to all the other ladies around. On second thought, you might go back to the present and strangle your dentist.
  11. Your sexy enlightened hero thinks protection means one of two things: pulling out before coming or one of those sheep skin condoms with bows to secure them in place. How you long for a normal box of prophylactics size extra extra large!
  12. The medical help… not so great. You do not want to get pregnant in the past because of the high mortality rates in giving birth. Not to mention they thought babies could eat solids and the wet nursemaids probably soaked a cloth in dirty slightly milky water when feeding your kid. If you’re kid doesn’t breastfeed he’s going to get formula and Gerber’s baby food!

Photo Credits: geebee2007

2 thoughts on “12 Signs You’ve Traveled Backwards in Time”

  1. If you are a woman and expressed an opinion, outside the home, about anything, people would be horrified, and you don’t even have to go all the way to the Middle Ages. Flush toilets were not in common use ’til the late 19th century, so make it a short trip.

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