Guest Blog by Ros Baxter, author of Lingerie For Felons
Hi there – today I’m introducing you to New Yorker Lola, the sticky-situation-prone heroine of Lingerie For Felons. Lola knows that if there’s one universal truth, it’s this: You’re always wearing your worst underwear when you land in trouble.
Lola’s parents told her that everyone can make a difference. And she believed them. She’s been fighting the good fights since she was eleven years old. But at 23, Lola falls hard for an Australian stockbroker who thinks Doctors Without Borders is a porno and Joni Mitchell sounds like a harp seal being battered to death. She cuts him loose, but over the next fifteen years, through protests, misunderstandings, humiliating predicaments, three arrests and a series of poor underwear choices, their lives and paths continue to converge.
Today, I’m sharing Lola’s top 5 reasons why you should never wear a thong to a strip search:
- Well, firstly, it’s a sure sign I haven’t done the laundry again (and I’ve had to borrow from my stripper room-mate – well, she says gentlemen’s escort, but it’s all interpretation). I just don’t feel that at home in sexy knickers; normally I’m a functional underwear kind of girl.
- Secondly, and maybe mostly, given that the whole red lace thong thing happened on my first arrest EVER, I was really worried that cops might think girls in red lace thongs were ‘askin’ for it’ (cue to image of a burly prison guard, lasciviously beating a truncheon against his open palm). It was probably just too many bad cop shows on TV, but I just wasn’t entirely sure whether cops were the kind of people to respect a woman’s right to own her inner vixen.
- Police cells can get kind of chilly, especially when your heart is all frozen over from being so damn broken.
- Y’know what? Most of all, the whole underwear thing has become kind of symbolic, and the thong...well, the thong gives a majorly false impression. A red lace thong looks like it belongs on a girl who knows what to do with it. Whereas, me? The first time Wayne kissed me I got so scared I had to fabricate menstruation to give me some breathing space while I worked out what to do about it.
- And then there’s the whole first-line-of-defence thing. What if Wayne shows up again? He’s making a habit of turning up just as I Iand in trouble. Like Superman. And when he does, it’s a matter of microseconds before we’re at it again. A red lace thong is nowhere near substantial enough to stand between me and the force of the wicked, wanton thing I have for this guy. It’s doesn’t seem to make any difference that I know he’s Mr Wrong. With Wayne around, it’s not a thong I need, it’s a chastity belt.
Lingerie for Felons by Ros Baxter
Available from Escape Publishing on 1 March 2014
Amazon link: Lingerie For Felons
About the author
Ros writes fresh, funny, genre-busting fiction. She digs feisty heroines, quirky families, heroes who make you sigh and tingle, and a dash of fantasy from time to time.
Ros has published Sister Pact (a romantic comedy co-written with her sister Ali) with Harper Collins, Fish Out Of Water, Lingerie For Felons and White Christmas (Escape Publishing), Home for the Holidays and Seven Deadly Sins (Amazon). Sequels to Sister Pact and Fish Out of Water are coming out in 2014, along with Second Chances, a Bold and the Beautiful story published through Pan Macmillan.
In her spare time, Ros is also a public servant, consultant, mother, lover, taxi service for extra-curricular activities, and (because she is so freakin’ busy) maker-of-the-fastest-family-meals in the business. There is nothing you can teach her about using a slow cooker or making the same dinner sound more appealing by giving it an exotic name or interesting backstory.
Ros also coordinates “Tomorrowgirl”, a short story competition for remote Indigenous girls in Australia. You can find out more at www.tomorrowgirl.com.au.
Ros lives in Brisbane, Australia, with her husband Blair, four small but very opinionated children, a neurotic dog and nine billion germs.