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So far as a romance novel goes, Lucy Burns has the very broad requirements and none of the nuances. It ends happy. There is a guy. She ends up with him. The romance was nonexistent as no emotions or depth came across when I read it. The story primarily focuses on Lucy Burns finding salvation.

As a heroine, I wasn’t particularly enchanted with her. I was unable to sympathize with Lucy past her little girl stage. She came across exactly as she thought of herself: shallow, empty, and not particularly kind or nice beyond the relationship with her neighbor, her neighbor’s child, and Luke Marshall.

I suppose Lucy redeemed herself in the end, but I didn’t really connect to those inner changes. She was obviously disenchanted with herself, her job working for the devil, and with people and life in general. There was no growth to her character.

Luke Marshall was vague as a hero. We learn he teaches creative writing at a university, is writing a manuscript based on his perception of Lucy Burns, and sings off key when drunk… oh and he’s blind, which means he can’t see the gorgeousness that is Lucy at all.

Things in the book that I didn’t like at all:

• Lucy getting so wasted she urinated on herself in her hall closet during a Tupperware party. What romance novel could happen without that?
• Her pretty blasé attitude over an innocent man accidentally going to hell by walking down into her basement. If there was regret, it was a twinge and nothing more.
• Her blasé attitude over the coffee shop goth-girl (admittedly not the friendliest of people) finding herself going to hell by trying to escape the some unrobed KKK members by running down into the basement…
• Reading the lyrics/song titles of Teddy Nightingale and random excerpts from Luke’s novel. One or the other happened in every chapter. It was overkill.
• The backdrop of two movies duking it out in theaters that also appeared every other chapter or so. The movies were Adoring JC (Jesus Christ) and Absolutely Adolf: What were you thinking?

Rating: 1 Stars

Buy: The Sinful Life of Lucy Burns

The movie: BBC 2008 v. staring Gemma Arterton, Eddie Redmayne, and Hans Matheson

I read this book in eighth grade at the urging of my English teacher who thought I would enjoy this book above all others he had offered up for students to read and on which to do a report. He couldn’t have been more wrong.

Tess of D’Ubervilles was my first DNF (did not finish) ever. I learned how to speed read with this book. I learned out to read the bare minimum and still understand what was going on in the book.

I suppose it is meant to be one of the greatest love stories ever written but even watching the movie, a much condensed version, acted wonderfully makes me want to find the eight hundred plus page book and hurl it at a wall.

There is so much sadness in this story. Lots of spoilers; in fact I tell the whole story below:

Mr. D’Uberfield finds out he and his family are of noble blood and when things go badly on the farm sends Tess to speak with their rich relatives. Alec D’Ubervilles immediately lusts after her and offers her a position in his family’s home. At first opportunity he rapes her. Tess runs back home, pregnant from the event. The baby dies.

Tess goes off again to work as a dairy maid. There she meets Angel Clare and falls in love. He does too. They marry. He finds out about Alec and the baby and leaves her. For a year perhaps two I’m not quite sure but he stays away in South America.

Meanwhile Alec finds Tess again and pursues her like a dog after a bone. Tess writes to Angel begging his forgiveness and his help. Angel never got the letters but after surviving yellow fever goes back to England determined to find Tess. He searches and searches and follows Tess’ trail until finally he finds her as mistress/wife to the object of her downfall.

Tess tells Angel to go away and never return because she’s already dead. Brokenhearted all over again Tess turns and goes upstairs where after a confrontation with Alec she kills him with a bread knife. From there she runs to Angel’s side and tells him she’s murdered the man that has ruined her/them and now that she has can he forgive her and take her back. They run off together, find an empty home and for the first time he makes love to Tess.

When they are found by a servant they run off again. They stop at Stone Henge. Tess talks about dying. Tess begs him to take care of her family and marry her younger sister. He begs her not to ask this of him. They fall asleep.

Upon waking they are surrounded by law enforcement agents. There is no escape. The story ends Angel and her younger sister wait outside the city where the bell tolls Tess’ execution.

Book: 1 Stars because the story is completely terrible and angst driven. There’s no happiness to be found not even in Tess and Angel’s stolen moments.

Buy Book: Tess of the D’Urbervilles

Buy Audio Version: Tess of the d’Urbervilles

Mini-Series: 4 Stars… the acting, scenery, and script are all perfectly executed. Gemma makes a lovely Tess, you really feel for her. Eddie is perfect as Angel, beautiful, sweet, kind, loving. Alec could not have been betters played by anyone. Hans does a phenomenal job. He’s easy to despise; playing the entitled gentleman who thinks little beyond his own pleasures so adeptly.

Buy Mini-Series: Tess of the d’Urbervilles

By: Cara Lynn, guest reviewer

Some Nerve by Jane Heller promised to be an interesting book, but it turned out to be less than I had hoped for.

The cover looked intriguing, but alas, the story could have been summed up in about 10 pages.

Plus it is quite dated, printed in 2006, and opening with Britney Spears pregnant with her first child. It shows how careful one should be in including various trivia, even if the book is about the fictional Ann Roth, who writes about celebrities.

When Roth’s boss demands she go for the main man, the big get, Malcolm Goddard who refuses all interviews and thinks the worst of interviewers to the stars, she has every intention of being the killer journalist her boss expects.

Alas, she is afraid to fly. Goddard knows this too and says he will accept the interview only if she does it aboard his plane.

She can’t do it.

She is fired and goes back to her family, where Goddard ends up hospitalized to avoid the paparazzi. She, in turn, decides to become a candy striper in order to get close to him and get a story.

Of course, they fall in love. Goddard doesn’t recognize her. She doesn’t tell him at all. He thinks she is honest. She wishes she were. Someone sends her story, not her. But all ends well in the end.

There is humor, some laughs out loud, but for the most part this book details again and again and again and…you get the idea…about her fear(s). I ended up skipping huge sections of it except for a sentence here and there.

And there are some decidedly unlikeable characters and situations in the book.

I give it a 1.

I will read at least one more of her books.

If you would like to write LRP a review, we would love to have you. There are many romances and only me to review. Your participation would greatly help out LRP’s growing archive. Look here for submission guidelines.

Originally posted 2008-07-10 05:18:22. Republished by Old Post Promoter

• Book Ends Decorative Collectibles Collectibles

There are few books that I can’t finish reading. The Anonymous Miss Addams is one that list. Some books make you question how publishing companies work and this is one of them. In two words I can sum up the whole of the book: utter drivel. I have no idea how it got published or why somebody didn’t put a halt to production once the cover was done. The cover to this novel is by far the best thing about the book.

Pierre Standish is a male lead that you’d sooner laugh at then swoon at. Pierre is a fop, pure and simple. He carries a hanky and it’s scented. His diction is by far the worst aspect of his character. He talks like a pansy and acts like one in my opinion. Pierre is definitely a turn off.

Miss Addams is annoying for no other purpose than to be annoying. She lost her memory after taking a spill in the road. Lucky for her she managed to escape into the road when she did or she’d have been killed by her pursuer. Money is involved of course, but the exact reasons why killing her will make the two plotters rich is beyond me. I could not be bothered to find out.

Their first kiss was short and dispassionate with slightly witty dialog bracketing it. She can’t eat unless he’s not perfect and looks human and he can’t eat until he feels human. The plot should have picked up since this is about halfway through the book, but it didn’t. It tried and failed with the mother of her attacker (one of the two plotters) protects her in a shoe store from a man hell bent on kissing her (who is the same man who tried to kill her earlier.)

That ‘kind’ act is rewarded with an offer for the position of companion as Miss Addams thinks to use this woman to protect her from Pierre. But since Pierre is so unmanly in my opinion it’s hardly worth the effort to write it out let alone read.

Rating: 1 Star

Originally posted 2008-11-28 23:15:04. Republished by Old Post Promoter

How can I put this lightly? The novel was crap. How terrible? Really terrible. I could break down the awful for you (warning this is the whole plot and is full of spoilers):

Heroine to self: My brother is in prison and only the Sheik can help.

Hero to self: Next time my baby half-brother is getting his own wife.

Heroine and Hero lock eyes – every sane thought drops from head.

Heroine to self: I’m so hot and bothered.
Heroine aloud: You can’t do this to Andy!

Hero to self: I’m so hot and bothered. That apron is hot. She must be maid and lover to Andrew – so jealous.
Hero aloud: I can do what I want!

Insert massive make-out scene that gets interrupted by father.

Hero aloud: Meet me at my hotel at eight.

Later at hotel Hero and Heroine getting it on and right before anything good happens…

Heroine aloud: More!

Hero aloud: We have all night!

Heroine aloud: And for the rest of our married lives.

Hero freezes. All action stops.

Hero aloud: WTF?

Heroine aloud: But- but you told my father you wanted to marry me – that by marrying you, my brother would go free.
Heroine to self: Marrying you would be no hardship… meow.

Hero aloud: No I didn’t. My stupid moronic half-brother who’s going to be dumb enough to fly his helicopter into the sea in three chapters is going to marry you. I am the Sheik of the neighboring country and you’re a gold digging witch.

Which boils down to the Hero kidnapping Heroine upon arrival into his brother’s country for her ‘protection’ that then leads to the half-brother is dead news and of course this leads to the Hero saying, ‘Same deal. Marry me instead.’ Poor Heroine is confused but the sex clears her head and they decide to get married until she can’t go through with it unless he loves her (I totally thought it was going to be the whole I can’t have babies, because another neighboring sheik/wife couple showed up and the wife was pregnant). Hero tells Heroine he loves her. Heroine is happy, repeats the same sentiments. The end.

Honestly? Why are stories with Harlequin such a crap-shoot? Most times they’re just meh… average. Sometimes you get lucky and they’re great. However you’ll stumble upon one of these and are like WTF? Why am I still reading this BS? How did this get published?

Rating: 1 Star

• 5, Half Eagle Gold Coins US Coins Paper Money

FYI: This is basically a rant review with spoilers.

Freya Addison once loved Zac Deverell with all her heart, but Zac was a billionaire playboy used to getting what he wanted when he wanted. After pursuing Freya, enticing her to first work as a stewardess on his yacht then seducing her into his bedroom he is both amused and bemused by how innocent she turned out to be. He persuades her to become his mistress and the little fool agrees. He breaks her heart three months later when she tells him that she’s pregnant, by hotly denying it, calling her a two-timing gold digging whore and throwing her out of his penthouse.

Two years later Freya gets into a car wreck and her daughter Aimee is supposed to be in the care of Freya’s grandmother. The grandmother is a heartless woman who only tolerated Freya in her life because of what the neighbors and little old bitties she hung out with would think. Freya’s mother ran off years ago and hasn’t been seen since and doesn’t make an appearance in the book. The grandmother decides she’s going on her world cruise, manages to find Zac Deverell at his London offices in the midst of a press conference and passes the baby along causing a scandal.

Zac is furious with Freya and the grandmother thinking they cooked this up on purpose. He doesn’t blame the two year old baby and tries to temper his voice when he storms Freya’s hospital room. He frogmarches Freya to do what he wants; which is to take her and Aimee to Monaco and getting a paternity test done so he can once and for all prove Freya the tramp that she is. Zac is highhanded, arrogant to the extreme, belligerent, and mean spirited. He takes great pleasure pursuing Freya for his pleasure while calling her names. Freya has no pride or self confidence and can’t seem to ignore the passion he stirs in her blood. They have several intimate encounters, many leading to full blown sex.

When the child ends up being his he gives a two second apology and gets Freya to agree to marry him. We’re about two thirds of the way through by now. This book is not that long… but of course he changes in the last like 3 pages, while appearing to exhibit no real changes.

From his side that we never see:

Doctors told him long ago he had 50% chance of holding the same gene. The disease wiped out his twin sisters before they were a year old. He vows never to have kids and gets a vasectomy.  Then he finds out he’s a daddy - is terrified but happy because his daughter hasn’t shown signs of the disease his parents carried genes for. Goes to doctors and finds out there’s a reliable test now to see if he carries the gene.

Meanwhile he wants to have sex with Freya all the time because he can’t formulate his feelings and decides to show her by aggressively pursuing sex off and on (which she interprets as he wants me and now he doesn’t all the while thinking in abject despair  how is this ever going to work? and he’s always intentionally hurtful and terse in his comments.)

Now we’re at the end and he still hasn’t got the results yet, but he suddenly can’t go through with the wedding he insisted on. She thinks its because he doesn’t want her and wants the woman who came up to her at a party and claimed to be his lover. Woman also said that whenever Zac told Freya he was working he was really with her playing.

When he hotly denies that Freya is all heartbroken AGAIN and tells him if he can’t go through with until he tells her something she says she knows what it is and understands that he doesn’t love her.

To which he then asks if she’s an idiot (ok not really but still) and proceeds to finally open up and explain about the gene that he potentially was carrying and why he had a vasectomy in the first place yadda yadda and that he on some level knew he loved her which is why he was so furious when he thought she’d cheated on him two years ago with the street artist.

Kiss. Sex. Wedding. Epilogue. HEA.

I mean really what is this garbage? Don’t read this.

Rating: 1 Star and only because sometimes the sex was decent.