July 27th, 2009 — About, Writing Tips
There are some things that just make it impossible to continue reading a book. So let's be blunt about the stuff that really ticks us off...like a lot.
How many of these romance novel suicides have you run across?
- Have your heroine or hero willingly/actually cheat on the other.
Sometimes the hero or heroine find out about the plans to cheat and make their contingency plans to turn the tables. The end result is the wandering partner never winds up actually cheating. The only concern I have is why the non-cheating lead wants to stay with the wandering-lead after finding out.
- Make one of your romantic leads completely peripheral to the story, until its final chapters.
Can we say Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley? Dude, that was so left-field, I don't care what you say to the contrary.
As Pamela Regis says the declaration makes for many a varied plot line. And of course we want the “I love yous!” *cough*Mr. Darcy*cough.*
- Your characters aren’t likeable or boring or both.
Stupid characters are also among the first to induce wallbanging. You know the ones I'm talking about. They are the characters whose actions and motivations are so beyond the realm of normal thinking as to be on another planet. There's even a name for the heroine of this breed: too stupid to live. Her actions are shockingly similar to the heroines who will do moronic things that get them killed or nearly killed in horror movies.
- You created a ridiculous amount of angst for nothing more than your own amusement.
For instance: the hero’s estranged wife is a narcissist-nympho with the hots for servants and whips. She also kept all knowledge of his child from him and disappeared. The heroine was abused sexually by her father and his cronies, nearly raped several time thereafter, feels guilty for “killing a man” while defending herself from his attack… and on and on and on… The Price of Desire by Jo Goodman.
C'mon did you really need THAT much drama to create a decent story?
- Your writing is passive or the style strange.
The novel completely and irredeemably lacks any connection to the reader as to be rendered emotionless. I don't want you to tell me how awesome said hero is -- SHOW me with your words how awesome he is.
- The diction you picked for the sex scenes is a turn off.
Readers even share the sex words that make you go EWWWWWW. Granted this is pretty subjective, but it’s best to be aware of these reactions. Some common sense is really all that's needed here.
- You gave your heroine a demonic pregnancy that winds up killing her.
Literally! So yea, the baby is a little demon, it eats its mother from the inside out and makes her want to drink blood as if it's as normal as Coca-Cola. (Breaking Dawn, what a way to burn a lot of readers while being distinctly unromantic at the same time.)
Someone needs to contact the creators of Angel and learn a bit or two about demonic pregnancies. *cough*Darla birthing Connor*Cordelia birthing Jasmine*cough.*
- You failed to follow through.
Ever read a novel that had such intensity and heat between the hero and heroine with the author building it up and up and up then failing to follow through with an equally delicious bedroom (wherever) scene? Nothing like a fade to black to ruin the mood. Even more so in a modern-day, non-inspirational, written romance.
Anti-Climatic scenes, of any kind, are not attractive. Be brave, suck it up and write a decent ending! Maybe then, I'll purchase your next book.
- You flirted with romance taboos and missed the mark.
For example, some of the strongest taboos I know of are about sex and pregnancy. Abortions and morning after pills are still unheard of in novels, though times might be changing. We will have to wait and see.
I'm not saying reach for the moon here, just step outside of the box a little and do it well. If you are going to take a risk, make it a well-thought out one. Perhaps then, I won't give you a review of "1 star" and pelt your novel across the room. 
~*~
Clearly this isn't a complete list. What are some other examples you can think up of what not to write? Do share!
(*Thanks to Sasha Muradali of the The L ittle Pink Book for inspiring me with "What NOT to Tweet: 10 Ways to Commit Social Media Suicide." You can read her trilogy on business, public relations and social media "don'ts" here.)
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April 11th, 2009 — 3 Stars, Book Review, Children, Clumsy Heroine, Contemporary, Pregnant, Stephenie Meyer, United States of America, Vampire, Virgin Hero, Virgin Heroine, Werewolf, Young Adult
I was very excited to get my Breaking Dawn in the mail from Amazon. They managed to get it to me one day before they told me that it would arrive on my doorstep and I devoured the novel, all 700+ pages, in two days, which is consistent with how I’ve read the other three that came before.
The novel did many things I did not expect, and one thing in particular that I did expect. This review will contain spoilers, so read at your own risk. Suffice it to say I give Breaking Dawn four stars.
The wedding, surprisingly takes place within the first hundred pages. I thought that it would happen at the end after Jacob did something to delay it so he could win Bella for his own. This is not the case. The wedding is lovely and Bella gets through it just fine and afterwards can’t believe how uptight she was about the whole thing.
On their honeymoon, Bella and Edward make love successfully; unfortunately the scene fades to black, which annoyed me. The morning after Bella stirs and is blissfully happy but sore, Edward is composed and staring blankly at the ceiling and ruins her buzz by killing the mood. He won’t make love to her again, claims that she’s lying when she says she’s feeling fine—no great, all because he can see how rough he was with her. Bella only recalls that he held her tighter when she wanted him to, etc. Edward is sickened by how much of her skin is covered in bruises that match his hands.
Luckily, Bella manages to break him out of his funk through the use of sexy lingerie Alice packed for her and some innocent seduction. The second and third and so on times, Edward manages to ruin furniture instead of Bella’s skin, making him extremely satisfied… Bella too.
Meanwhile, I started to think about how much food Bella was consuming and came to the conclusion before it was revealed that she was pregnant. Her pregnancy is ridiculously accelerated and Edward freaks out. Bella knowing something is up, makes plans of her own to protect the life inside her and calls Rosalie for help, making the female vampire happy for the first time with her decisions.
From here the novel switches from Bella’s point of view to Jacob’s, which made me call up my friend and ask for some spoilers because I just don’t like the werewolf. During this part of the novel we witness Bella’s pregnancy, a break in the werewolf tribe as Jacob takes partial leadership, and Bella becoming very attached to Jacob’s presence.
The pregnancy takes a lot out of Bella until they realize that because the child is part vampire Bella’s diet needs to change from human food to a liquid diet of blood. Drinking blood immediately affects Bella’s health for the better, but also that of the baby’s. Every time the child moves inside Bella it leaves bruises on her skin and potentially breaks a rib in the process.
Edward is seriously going crazy and blames himself at this point and goes as far as offering Bella to Jacob if she really wanted a child as long as she’d be willing to give their child up as it was hurting her so much. Of course Jacob thinks on the idea and manages to bring it up to Bella who denies that its children she wants so much as her and Edward’s child that she wants.
Bella dies during birth, but luckily Edward manages to successfully turn her into a vampire while Jacob does CPR to keep the venomous blood flowing through her veins before it activates. Jacob leaves when he thinks it’s failed and goes downstairs where he intends to kill the child, now in Rosalie’s care. He never does, because once he lays eyes on their baby girl he bonds with her. This ends Jacob’s point of view in the story and switches back to Bella’s viewpoint.
The rest of the story deals with what I thought would happen to postpone the wedding—the Volturi are coming and they plan to execute the Cullen family for their Immortal Child (which is not what Edward and Bella’s child is per se, the term refers to something else). Alice and Jasper leave after Alice gives some very stern instructions to the family. The whole Western hemisphere is being herded together to witness the growth and humanity of the child.
It ends happily and Bella has amazing control on her thirst and on her special gift. I love the last few scenes between her and Edward. I am looking forward to reading the series again from Edward’s point of view, starting with Midnight Sun.
What did you think of the series ending?
Rating: 3 Stars
Originally posted 2008-08-13 05:03:13. Republished by Blog Post Promoter
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January 31st, 2009 — Contemporary, News, Paranormal, Stephenie Meyer, United States of America, Vampire, Werewolf, Young Adult
Slow news day? Well at least it's an update. To learn more about what happened read Breaking News: Midnight Sun Leaked. You can also find a link there to Meyer's website with the version of the novel she released for public consumption.
November 5, 2008 @ EW:
When you returned home after a grueling tour for Breaking Dawn, you discovered that your unfinished manuscript for Midnight Sun had leaked onto the Internet, and you released a statement saying you were permanently shelving the story. Do you still feel the same?
The funny thing about that statement is I didn't actually write the majority of it. I wrote about three single-spaced Word document pages of just real pain — with sort of a laugh on the end so everything was kind of tongue-in-cheek. And there were lawyerly people who thought it just wasn't a good way to do it. I didn't want to feel misrepresented in the letter and other people didn't want me to be too emotionally vulnerable. So in the end only the one or two sentences written by me seem really jarring, and people didn't get that there was sort of a joke in there. For example the part that's me is where I said, ''If I wrote it now everybody would end up dying.'' But that was a joke! And it sounded so serious amidst all the lawyer talk and I think my fans thought, Wow, she's threatening to kill everyone! [Laughing] I felt kind of bad about that. I never felt any anger, actually. Just a lot of sadness. I mean it was a sucker punch — like someone came up behind you and just hammered you in the kidneys and you had no idea it was coming.
January 29, 2009 @ NY Daily News:
“Nothing’s changed,” a rep for the author confirms to us. “Stephenie has no plans to move forward with ‘Midnight Sun’ at this time.”
But Meyer fanatics can anticipate an upcoming novel. “Stephenie is working on something else at the moment,” the flack reveals. “But she hasn’t announced it yet. It isn’t ‘Twilight’-related. When she’s ready to reveal it, she will. This has been an intense three years for her, and currently she’s just focusing on being a writer.”
As for how Meyer plans to protect her works in the future, her spokesperson says, “She’ll just have to be very selective about where she sends her manuscripts.”
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August 5th, 2008 — Contemporary, Features, News, Paranormal, Stephenie Meyer, United States of America, Vampire, Werewolf, Young Adult
Friday night of last week, fans of the teenage vampire romance by Stephenie Meyer gathered at bookstores for the release of Breaking Dawn, the fourth installment of the Twilight Saga. They were dressed as characters in the books, as vampires in general and in particular as Edward and Bella. Several went on dates to the midnight release parties, the theme of the prom being a great backdrop for such an evening.
Depending on your bookstore, there were many events set up to participate in. The one I liked best was bobbing for apples with the grand prize being your placement in the line come midnight. Many fans wore their Team Edward and Team Jacob shirts, the iron-ons having been provided in the newer release edition of Eclipse. The crowds were just as large from what I could tell as any Harry Potter release, for there were boys and girls, youths and adults in attendance.
I joined in even though I didn’t have a book held on hold at the bookstore. I chose Amazon thinking I would get the book at midnight or on the 2nd, but Amazon didn’t release Breaking Dawn like they released Deathly Hallows. I won’t get my copy until the end of the week. Very upsetting! I’m avoiding Facebook because people are discussing the novel left and right across the board and I don’t want to get spoiled. I hate knowing endings before I get to them of my own accord.
If you could access Twitter in your area, last Friday, you would have seen several posts from those at the parties talking about the books, their thoughts, projections, and wishes for the fourth book. I found that just as fun to read as any forum, newspaper article, or discussion because Twitter is kind of like eavesdropping. Jacob fans said they’d be mad if he didn’t get someone in this novel, Bella or his bond-mate. Edward fans wanted to make sure Bella didn’t chicken out of the wedding and hurt Edward. And mothers were hoping the book didn’t get more elaborate in the sexually charged scenes as the bedroom scene in Eclipse. I for one will feel cheated if Meyer fades to black should the scene come up.
What were your experiences at the midnight release parties?
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