Review: Fifty Shades of Grey (Fifty Shades, Book 1) by E.L. James

fifty shadesDisclaimer: I read parts of the story as a fanfic called Master of the Universe. It was okay, but nothing special. Still when a fanfic becomes a mainstream published novel I expect the flaws to be fixed and the glaring irregularities to be corrected. I expect someone to say to the author, “Hey you, what were you thinking, this makes no sense” or… “There is no way on the face of this planet a guy like your hero would ever say or do….” So the fact that I didn’t see any of that irks me and my review reflects that. If you loved these books stop now. Here is what I hated:

It relied heavily on readers already knowing the dynamic and personality and characteristics of the Twilight characters, especially Edward and Bella. If you hadn’t read Twilight and fallen for the romantic pair’s unique story, going into the BDSM relationship of this book is going to send up red flags. Allow me to explain in detail…

Ana is a novice when it comes to men, dating, sex, and submission. So if you didn’t know Ana and Christian were fated for each other and that it was true love, you would tell this girl to run as far and as fast in the other direction as possible.

Who would want to be with a guy that says to you, “I love hurting you and I need to hurt you to be turned on around you?” When you (and I am really speaking for Ana here, not someone into BDSM) wants Christian to want her in a vanilla relationship? There are some screws loose. All the sex scenes read like sex for sex sake and not as a spicy hot romance story. Lots of telling about feelings, and little showing.

Then there was inner monologue hoo-hah that had me cringe in the fanfic that managed to make it to the final draft. Did anybody read all that inner goddess crap and actually like it? Seriously—it’s crap, trying to be cute. Ana has multiple personality disorder and is oft times schizophrenic. That’s not sexy.

After the inner monologue, comes the real dialogue. Can we say, awful? Not to mention quite painful to read sometimes. Christian Grey’s “Laters, Baby” comes to mind right away. Shoot me now. There is no way this guy would say that because he is a stoic, uptight, always-in-control billionaire making 100K an hour. So no, I don’t buy it—the poor grammar, or the stupid nickname. He’d call her something else or leave it at just plain old Anastasia.

That’s just a few of the reasons I don’t like this story. Have you read it? What do you think?

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

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Buy: Fifty Shades Trilogy Bundle: Fifty Shades of Grey; Fifty Shades Darker; Fifty Shades Freed