Virginity in a contemporary novel is particularly frowned on as being unrealistic. Speaking as a virgin in this modern society, I am proof we do exist.
Why is it considered practically a sin to mention you are a virgin? I have even been told not to be proud of my status as one. Why are women and men being so judgmental on those that choose to stay chaste? Why is waiting for the right partner or waiting for marriage deemed inappropriate?
Being a virgin is as natural a state to be in as is the opposite. Experienced or inexperienced should make no difference to the right people. Intimacy is not found only in the bedroom. It’s built out of little moments, secret moments between one soul and another.
I choose to wait because I value it. I do see it as a sign of love to wait for the right man. Call me a hopeless romantic, I don’t care, I’ll be the first to admit it. Others value their virginity for religious or cultural reasons. I know of men who wait for the right woman, and while virgin males in real life are rarer than male virgin leads in romance, they are out there. They do appeal and they won’t always be the nice guy who finishes last.
A woman can be sensual and kind and loving without having given it up. The same for a man. Virginity does not automatically equal to being frigid or a prude. Opposed to heroes and heroines of historical romance, contemporary leads and real life virgins are vastly more knowledgeable... after all there's any number of books, videos, courses, etc. on human sexuality.
Some say that staying a virgin (representing optimism/idealism) is to be on the opposite extreme as a man-hating woman (representing pessimism/cynicism) and that both are just as bad. Based on that I must wonder then if the middle ground, being a realist, is the only type of person to be interested in? I very much doubt that.
Virgin or not, I just don’t see the point in getting emotionally entangled with someone just to stay in the game. Does that mean I think less of those that want to be actively in the game or that my bar for a man is unbearably high and impossible to reach? I don’t think so... all women/men are different, we all have different opinions on relationships and want different things for ourselves. I feel a relationship should be built on mutual attraction and compatibility. Good chemistry in both aspects is easy to spot before you get to the bedroom. If it’s not there why start something that will ultimately fail? Or as a pushy partner might say, lead them on?
I know what I need in a man: sexual appeal, compatibility, and stability. In addition to those needs I would like several other things in a man and yet understand that what I want I may not get. Would I mind if he was a wealthy, charismatic, world trotter that was impossibly arrogant with a tender side devoted just to me? Not at all, but I’m not holding my breath on the chance that I'll score the next (Harlequin) billionaire.
As a virgin with limited relationships, I don’t feel that I lack the life experiences necessary to spot a prince. Frogs and toads can be avoided without having to kiss them first. Princes can be missed while being distracted by frogs. Ultimately, what I most hear as a virgin on 'game' advice is this: if you're not shopping around how will you know what fits and doesn’t fit? Shouldn't you at least check him out in the changing rooms? The answer I have for that is my gut reaction, inner instinct, or women’s intuition. Call it what you will.
I’m tired of being thought of as every parents’ dream, many an experienced woman’s object of scorn or pity, and every man’s worst nightmare. Virginity has merit; it’s time society remembered that.
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