There are some things that just make it impossible to continue reading a book. So let's be blunt about the stuff that really ticks us off...like a lot.

How many of these romance novel suicides have you run across?

• Have your heroine or hero willingly/actually cheat on the other.

Sometimes the hero or heroine find out about the plans to cheat and make their contingency plans to turn the tables. The end result is the wandering partner never winds up actually cheating. The only concern I have is why the non-cheating lead wants to stay with the wandering-lead after finding out.

• Make one of your romantic leads completely peripheral to the story, until its final chapters.

Can we say Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley? Dude, that was so left-field, I don't care what you say to the contrary.

• You ignored the “declaration” scene or scenes.

As Pamela Regis says the declaration makes for many a varied plot line. And of course we want the “I love yous!” *cough*Mr. Darcy*cough.* Or at the very least some really good declarative actions.

• Your characters aren’t likeable or boring or both.

Stupid characters are also among the first to induce wallbanging. You know the ones I'm talking about. They are the characters whose actions and motivations are so beyond the realm of normal thinking as to be on another planet. There's even a name for the heroine of this breed: too stupid to live. Her actions are shockingly similar to the heroines who will do moronic things that get them killed or nearly killed in horror movies.

• You created a ridiculous amount of angst for nothing more than your own amusement.

For instance: the hero’s estranged wife is a narcissist-nympho with the hots for servants and whips. She also kept all knowledge of his child from him and disappeared. The heroine was abused sexually by her father and his cronies, nearly raped several times thereafter, feels guilty for “killing a man” while defending herself from his attack… and on and on and on… The Price of Desire by Jo Goodman.

C'mon did you really need THAT much drama to create a decent story?

• Your writing is passive or the style strange.

The novel completely and irredeemably lacks any connection to the reader as to be rendered emotionless.  I don't want you to tell me how awesome said hero is --  SHOW me with your words how awesome he is.

• The diction you picked for the sex scenes is a turn off.

Readers even share the sex words that make you go EWWWWWW. Granted this is pretty subjective, but it’s best to be aware of these reactions. Some common sense is really all that's needed here.

• You gave your heroine a demonic pregnancy that winds up killing her.

Literally! So yea, the baby is a little demon, it eats its mother from the inside out and makes her want to drink blood as if it's as normal as Coca-Cola. (Breaking Dawn, what a way to burn a lot of readers while being distinctly unromantic at the same time.)

Someone needs to contact the creators of Angel and learn a bit or two about demonic pregnancies. *cough*Darla birthing Connor*Cordelia birthing Jasmine*cough.*

• You failed to follow through.

Ever read a novel that had such intensity and heat between the hero and heroine with the author building it up and up and up then failing to follow through with an equally delicious bedroom (wherever) scene? Nothing like a fade to black to ruin the mood. Even more so in a modern-day, non-inspirational, written romance.

Anti-Climatic scenes, of any kind, are not attractive. Be brave, suck it up and write a decent ending! Maybe then, I'll purchase your next book.

• You flirted with romance taboos and missed the mark.

For example, some of the strongest taboos I know of are about sex and pregnancy. Abortions and morning after pills are still unheard of in novels, though times might be changing. We will have to wait and see.

I'm not saying reach for the moon here, just step outside of the box a little and do it well. If you are going to take a risk, make it a well-thought out one. Perhaps then, I won't give you a review of "1 star" and pelt your novel across the room.

~*~

Clearly this isn't a complete list. What are some other examples you can think up of what not to write? Do share!

(*Thanks to Sasha Muradali of the The L ittle Pink Book for inspiring me with "What NOT to Tweet: 10 Ways to Commit Social Media Suicide." You can read her trilogy on business, public relations and social media "don'ts" here.)

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